If you’ve ever wondered if the typical, expensive funeral is really what you would want for yourself (or for someone else) this story, A Modern Home Funeral vs. a Traditional Funeral Home, by Kateyanne Unullisi, is a must-read.

She describes her personal experience burying her young husband as a near travesty, despite being absolutely common and unremarkable. Too grief-stricken and in shock to plan any better, and not even knowing there were other options, she went along with the status quo.

But when her husband’s friend, who had died along with him, had a completely different funeral, it was like adding insult to injury: she realized she missed her only opportunity to say goodbye to her husband in a way that reflected who they were. What they did for him felt all wrong, and even worse, it robbed her of something she had no idea—having never become a widow before— would matter.

She just wanted to be near his body.

And who knew? Who knows ahead of time how much you may want, need, crave, indeed feel crazed, to just be in the physical presence of this person you love, and whose face you will shortly never see again.

All she got was a couple of hours “visiting” it in a funeral home, in what felt to her more a spectacle than an homage.

Please just go read the article, because no words I can write here will convey the purity and sincerity of her experience. Or make you laugh the way she does. She thoroughly elucidates the impact having a funeral that suits your style, is in keeping with your values, and leaves you feeling fulfilled and not forlorn.

I help people plan funerals that are so full of love, personality, and individuality that no two would be alike. Because that’s the way to both honor the person who’s died, and bring healing and even joy to the survivors.

Don’t have a cookie-cutter funeral. Make it original and make it matter. Just like you.